Thoughts I Woke Up With......

I overthink..

Today I woke up thinking that feeling invisible isn’t always about others. it’s often about how we see ourselves.

There are moments when we feel invisible.

Not because no one is looking at us but because we are doubting ourselves.

Sometimes I wish I could see myself the way I see other people. You know that feeling, like when you look at someone and feel admiration, inspiration, even envy. You admire how they show up, how confident or settled they seem, and you think, I wish I were like that..

Every now and then, I pause and ask myself, who am I really? Is it normal to feel like I’m not enough sometimes? Or is this what people call imposter syndrome?

There are days when I do so much. I work, think, create and I end the day feeling content. But then another question, what is “enough”? Who decides it? Is there such a thing as perfection, or are we just chasing a moving target?

Lately, I’ve been thinking that maybe we’re here to experience life, not to perfect it or be perfect. Every day is different. Anything can happen. Sometimes I overanalyze even that thought, wondering if it’s good or bad. And then someone laughs and says, “Mendy, you overthink too much.”

Saying anything can happen scares me sometimes, but sometimes it's like surprise, your proposal was approved 🙂🙂

Maybe it's true I overthink. My therapist calls them racing thoughts.

When I look back at my 20 plus years of life, photos from campus, moments I was hosting TV shows that was once a big dream of mine, I realize something important. At the time, I was happy. I just didn’t always know it. I achieved the goal, felt proud and then moved on to the next one. That’s how it goes, isn’t it?

Sometimes it hits me later, damn I took that moment for granted. Sigh. Back then, it didn’t feel perfect but now it looks beautiful.

That’s why I’m learning not to worry too much. Life is happening now. It’s in the small things, smiling, laughing at memes, brunch with the girls, hobbies, side quests, long walks, early mornings, setting boundaries, chasing dreams at our own pace, listening to your favorite music, romanticizing your alone dinner in your apartment, it could be anything. Just be happy for real.

Often, we’re afraid of being called cringe. Maybe it’s because we’re doing something we genuinely enjoy, sharing our thoughts out loud, being different, having our own opinions, or putting our creative work and ideas out there, even at work.

But being yourself isn’t cringe.

I think we all deserve the freedom to express who we are, without shrinking or second-guessing ourselves. We should feel free to speak, create, try and exist just as we are.

We’ve overcome so much already even the things we once thought we wouldn’t survive.

So maybe life isn’t about having it all figured out but about being present, being kind to ourselves and allowing the experience to unfold.

Does anyone else think this much sometimes, or is my therapist onto something? I have racing thoughts don't I? 💭