The Invisible Cage

It was 10:00 PM on a Thursday. I was supposed to be writing a script for my advocacy platform, HerStoryTellHer Hub. I was supposed to be drafting campaigns against gender-based violence.

Instead, I was in my gallery, zooming in on a photo of myself.

I had spent twenty minutes editing it. (Not the caption but the image.) Was my lips shining enough? Did I look "soft" enough? Did I look like the kind of woman the algorithm would bless?

I felt a sudden, sharp wave of exhaustion.

Here I was, a broadcast journalist with over five years of experience, a woman building a multimedia platform to liberate other women... and I was trapped in my own phone, paralyzed by the need to be "consumable."

That night, I didn't post the photo. I put the phone down. And I asked myself a terrifying question:

"Asake are you building a legacy, or are you just building a gallery?"

You see,

We are living in the age of the "High-Value Woman." We are told we can be everything, the CEO, the Peace-Builder, the Voice. But the unspoken rule remains, You can be all those things, as long as you are pretty while you do it.

For a long time, I bought into the lie that "Main Character Energy" meant performing for an audience. I thought that if I could get men to look at me, I had power over them. I thought that if I could master the "Baddie" aesthetic, I would finally be seen.

But I have realized that being looked at is not the same as being seen.

Being looked at is passive. It is what happens to a painting, or a statue, or a product on a shelf.

Being seen is active. It requires someone to listen to your voice, to respect your mind, to engage with your soul.

I realized I was trading my Voice for Views. And the exchange rate was bankrupting my spirit.

I remember a conversation with a male friend who asked, "Are women today actually powerful, or do they just have a lot of attention?"

At the time, I wanted to defend us. I wanted to say, "Of course we are powerful!"

But later, in the quiet of my room, I admitted the truth

Attention is a distraction from power.

If I am busy curating my body for the male gaze, I have no energy left to fight the patriarchy.

If I am worried about being "digestible," I cannot say the hard truths that need to be said about violence and peace-building.

I realized that I cannot be a "Peace-Keeper" in my own life if I am at war with my own reflection.

So, I am making a different choice.

I am choosing to be "ugly" if it means being honest.

I am choosing to be "boring" if it means being peaceful.

I am choosing to build a platform, HerStoryTellHer, that values the stories in our hearts more than the curves of our bodies.

To my sisters, We are not merchandise. We are not content. We are the architects of the future.

Let us stop auditioning for a world that only wants to consume us.

Let us start building a world that actually listens.

My name is Boluwatife Asake ADENIJI, and I am done performing.