Suffering into Salvation. Trauma didn't stop her.

Hi, I am Mrs.Sindhu Sathya Narayanan from India. This is the second time i am participating in this global movement using technology and storytelling to end GBV ( Gender Based Violence). A big thanks to World pulse for such initiatives and guidance for the same. I am sharing a story about a common GBV faced by women's in India which is pervasive in all generation and how the small help by a women to women helped in survival.

Being the eldest among five girls and two boys from patriarchy family, Vanitha Tai ( Tai is used in Indian language for any slightly older woman, creating a friendly, sisterly connection) parents married her to their relative at the tender age of 13 in 1960 (before attending puberty )fearing that other four girls will get delayed for wedding and holding the custom of marrying within relatives. Vanita Tai 's husband was much older than her and drunken. By the age of 20, she became mother of three children ( 2 boys & 1 girl) and became the bread winner of the family. She faced a lot of domestic violence in her marriage life inspite of working hard and her own family ( inlaws and parents) denied to help her after knowing very well that all the problem was created by her husband.

Her husband used to beat her and take all her hard earned money leaving behind she and children hungry for many days. Some of her friends suggested to file a police complain but Vanita Tai was feared of police and worried about the reputation of both the family( because Vanita Tai 's Mother in law is her father's sister). She faced the abuse in silence and suffered a lot for no help from her parents. More than a help it hurted her more when her own parents and siblings failed/ignored to understand her problems and give her emotional support. For years together she bottled her feelings and faced domestic abuse. Her health deteriorated very badly to the extent where she couldn't take care of her own children. Then she decided/realised to take care of herself to support her children. She left the house and got a job as a domestic help in one of the organisations higher official accomodation where the security was high and outsiders strictly prohibited. The house lady understood her problem and employed her to help her with safety. Vanita Tai s husband left with no money for drinking,kept searching her. He found her but couldn't enter the base due to security guards.After many years Vanita Tai slept well in the servant accomodation and had a good food. Also she have been very loyal to her house lady. Then she contacted her children, her elder son is in teenage and mature enough to handle the problems, she gave the salary to her son and told to take care of his sibling until she returns home. His eldest son understood his mom's problem and helped her secretly without disclosing about her to his own family. Her house lady helped her with many ways especially with safety. Her husband come and stand outside the gate and go back everyday. He couldn't see Vanita Tai for months together and he being a lazy, unemployed, coward and drunken spoiled his own health and became useless. Her eldest teenage son became very strong and never let his dad to harm his brother and sister and zipped his relatives mouth from talking bad about her mom.Being little away from the toxic environment, her hard work for the family continued with freedom, better health, peace of mind and finally she could secure some money for her children's future.A few years later Vanita Tai's husband passed away due to too much alcoholic. She lived her life much better in later age with more wisdom & helping others. Her trauma helped her to understand the importance of girls education and so she worked hard again for some more years, sent her daughter to college and her daughter was the first women graduate from her community.Her own struggle made her to help her own daughter to get graduated and choose a better life for herself by being financially independent and take decisions wisely. Gladly / proudly the passing of the patriachy culture, child marriage , GBV to next generation stopped in Vanita Tai's immediate family circle.

A small help from Vanita Tai's house Lady made a massive change in her life. It is important for any relation in the family/organisation to understand each other's pain & help in any means.

Help is not money everytime time it's simply emotional support .

Economic empowerment, legal reforms, and improved safety are vital steps to prevent GBV but they must be reinforced by supporting survivors with comprehensive services like free legal services, psychological counselling, safety awareness camp and small business guidance etc.

Thank you.

Ms. Sindhu,

India.