Breaking Free -My story of gender based violence

I Thought I'd Never Break Free

For years, I felt trapped in a marriage that slowly drained my soul. The abuse started subtly, with verbal jabs and controlling behavior that made me doubt my own sanity. But over time, it escalated into physical and emotional torment. I felt like I was walking on eggshells, never knowing when the next explosion would occur.

The shame and fear kept me silenced, and I felt utterly alone. I lost count of the number of times I made excuses for my partner's behavior, convincing myself that it was my fault. I'd tell myself, "He's just stressed," or "He didn't mean it." I even defended him to friends and family, making excuses for his actions.

A Cycle of Blame and Shame

I remember justifying his behavior, thinking, "If only I did this, he wouldn't get angry." Or, "I must have provoked him." The guilt and self-blame consumed me, making me question my own sanity. I began to wonder if I was the problem.

Love and Support Surrounding Me

But I wasn't alone. My family my mom and friends saw the signs, and they tried to help me countless times. They'd say, "Leave him, we're here for you," or "You deserve better." But I couldn't hear them. I was trapped in a cycle of abuse, and I didn't know how to escape.

I recall the countless times they'd beg me to leave, to seek help, to protect myself. But I'd make excuses, convinced that I could fix him, that love would conquer all. They'd offer shelter, support, and resources, but I'd decline, fearing the unknown.

The Final Straw

But the final straw was when I was seven months pregnant, vulnerable and exhausted. He beat me mercilessly, leaving me battered and bruised. My toddler son, innocent and helpless, witnessed the horror. A neighbor, horrified by the sounds of my screams, intervened by calling the police. The officers arrived, and for the first time, I saw a glimmer of hope.

That moment marked a turning point. I realized I had to protect myself and my unborn child. With the support of loved ones and authorities, I finally found the courage to leave.

Lasting Scars

A decade later, my son still remembers that fateful night. He was just a toddler, but the trauma lingers. He'll occasionally ask, "Mommy, do you remember when Daddy hurt you?" His words pierce my heart, reminding me of the long-lasting impact of abuse on our children.

Breaking Free

After that incident, I never looked back. The journey to freedom was long and arduous, but I grew stronger with each step. I learned to recognize the signs of abuse, prioritized my own needs, and sought help when I needed it.

Healing Journey

Leaving was just the beginning. Healing took time, patience, and self-love.Leaving was just the beginning. Healing from the abuse was a journey, not a destination. It didn't happen overnight, but through small, courageous steps.I learnt to be patient with myself, acknowledging that healing is a gradual process. It's a journey of ups and downs, twists and turns.

Some days, I took two steps forward, only to take one step back. But with each step, I grew stronger. Here are some ways I healed:

1. Prayer and Faith: Turning to my faith and praying for strength, guidance, and protection helped me find peace and hope.

Through prayer, I:

- Released my burdens to a higher power

- Felt comforted and supported

- Discovered inner strength and resilience

- Found forgiveness and healing

- Connected with a community of believers

2. Therapy: Individual and group sessions helped me process my emotions and rebuild self-esteem.

3. Support Groups: Connecting with fellow survivors provided a sense of community and understanding.

4. Journaling: Writing down my thoughts and feelings helped me release trauma.

5. Mindfulness and Meditation: Practicing calm and inner peace reduced anxiety.

6. Creative Expression: Painting, drawing, and writing poetry expressed emotions beyond words.

7. Nature Therapy: Spending time outdoors, hiking, and gardening rejuvenated my spirit.

8. Self-Care: Prioritizing rest, exercise, and healthy eating revitalized my physical and mental well-being.

9. Setting Boundaries: Learning to say "no" and assert myself restored my confidence.

10. Forgiveness: Letting go of guilt and shame freed me from the past.

11. Celebrating Milestones: Acknowledging small victories and accomplishments reinforced my growth.

To Those Still Trapped

If you're reading this, know that you are not alone. Your partner's abuse is not your fault. You deserve love, respect, and kindness. Don't believe the lies that you're worthless or that you'll never make it on your own.Listen to those who care about you. They see the truth, even when you can't. Let their love and support guide you.Consider the impact on your children. They may not understand, but they see and feel the tension. Protect them, and seek help.

Take that first step. Reach out to someone you trust – a friend, family member, or hotline. Let them know you're hurting, and let them support you.

Remember, healing is possible. It's a journey, not a destination. You'll stumble, you'll cry, and you'll doubt yourself. But with every step, you'll grow stronger.

You are capable of surviving, of thriving. Your story is not yet over. You have the power to rewrite the narrative.

Keep moving forward, even when it feels like the smallest step. You are stronger than you think.

A Call to Action: Breaking the Silence

Gender-based violence affects millions worldwide, regardless of age, culture, or socioeconomic status. It's time to shatter the silence and stigma surrounding abuse.We need more:

- Awareness campaigns to educate communities

- Support services for survivors

- Accountability for perpetrators

- Policy reforms to protect victims

- Conversations about toxic masculinity and patriarchy

Together, we can create a world where:

- Women and girls feel safe and empowered

- Men and boys are encouraged to express emotions without violence

- Survivors are believed and supported

- Communities unite against abuse

Let's join forces to end gender-based violence.