The Boy

When I first got into the feminist movement I was being tilted more into misandry where I was being taught the boys were the enemy, this was in my mid-teens. As I grew up, I began to see the actual problem with masculinity. I have friends who are men and who I have listened to intently to form my opinions on the matter.

First of all, some men are trained to look for some sort of respect above their feelings and above all else and this forces then to hide their true emotions in bid to appear 'respectable' and to be 'feared'. This leads to bottling up of emotions that end up erupting in ways that even they did not expect. This is not only perpetuated by only men, some women have also been raised to shame men who show emotions, to treat them like weak men as men are supposed to be this emotionless brick wall.

Next, some men truly and honestly do not have support systems, they just have a group of men who they cannot be vulnerable in front of them because they are afraid of getting shamed. The fear of being vulnerable is so strong with some of them that they would rather wallow in whatever they are going through than tell others who would probably shame them for being 'weak'.

Some men are taught that their value is completely hinged on how much money they make. This has directly led to the rise in cyber fraud in Nigeria as most young boys want to make so much money in so little time in other to be called a 'somebody'. Boys as young as 18 years old feel like they are running out of time when their life is just getting started. This pressure is easily on social media where young people flaunt wealth, whether real or fake, and other young people try to imitate them at all costs. Young girls as well have unrealistic expectations which they as well put on the young boys.

These things do not let the young boys grow into the best versions of themselves. I used to think this was not something that concerned me until my little brother got to the age where he started asking questions and he asked me why they told him that he should not cry because he was a man. That moment was a light bulb moment in my life and I realized I had to do my part. I explained to him that everyone felt pain and it was okay for him to cry if he felt pain, I explained to him that he was not less of a boy or a weak boy if he cried. He understood and was happy.

Positive masculinity is very important to the feminist movement and one of the very best ways to achieve this is to raise the boychild right. To correct the generational trauma and creating a society where a man can be himself unapologetically and noy confirm to a mold so toxic that it leads men to early deaths. I know that when we speak on this issue men say that we can not speak on the matter as we are not men so we can not raise men, that is a very wrong statement as both parents are best for raising complete adults. This is a topic that is always heavy on mind as I watch my brother grow. I believe that despite how bad things might be in the society right now that we can still raise a generation of good men who will make the world a better place.