More Creative Talk and a story "The Coma" part 1

When I am trying to figure out a way to write a story I will often write a short story in whichever way I plan to write. It is where a lot of my stories come from, trying to develop a style to where I like it.

For this short story called "the Coma" it was written for a lot of reasons, the first to practice a sort of psychological thriller like I need for my Sweeper Maid series. I want it distinctly "Unangax" though, if there is such a thing. In that spy story, she is an ordinary looking Alaskan Native woman working in major offices as the cleaner. She goes almost unnoticed being indigenous, but plans her espionage very carefully so as not to blow her cover. I wanted to create a mindset where there is fear, but not happening right that moment as you read it. It is in the background only but you know it is there and are familiar with that feeling. So that is the first reason I wrote this story.

The second reason is I have never understood how people can let the genocide of this whole half of the world continue. It baffles me truly! I realize they made it palatable so you dont feel toooooo badly about it. I mean, hey, they have cable tv, right?! It baffles me deeply!

The third reason is I sometimes can hear or feel other people's thoughts ~always without meaning to. I wanted to work that into my Sweeper stories somehow so was trying to figure out how to write it.

And lastly, I guess a part of me truly wishes I was in a coma and this world is just an evil dream I am having!

Oh darn, it is too long to put it on here!

The Coma

A modern Unangax tale from

M TOMA Inc.

A fantasy story by Searean Moon

It is that smell at the hospital, clinical, medicinal, antiseptic, that I hate. It always brings back a flood of memories to my unconscious self. Not when I am just passing through, but when I am stuck there a few hours, that is when it happens. Not right then, but later. Once I am home again and relaxed and glad to be away from the hospital.

It makes me feel a bit funny, a bit unreal. I get that old fear that I am somehow still at the hospital, maybe in a coma or something and this life is just a dream. It is a feeling that is scary and lingers. It builds in my unconscious self first, slowly seeping into my conscious, like memories almost. Except I was never in a coma in the hospital before. That is the weirdest part for me, what does it mean?

It is an old fear since it happens each time I am stuck at the hospital waiting for hours. Like when someone is in surgery, or my dad dying or my mom dying. I don't remember ever being in the hospital as a child, but memories pop into my mind and I wonder whose they are. I sometimes get images or thoughts from other people. It is not something I try to do, it just happens on its own. But thoughts, feelings and even their future sometimes, when young I did not understand why it happened but knew it was not my own but someone else's.

Maybe that is the problem, that as I "grew up" I felt it had to be my own. I do have a vivid imagination, but this is something else entirely. This is the "psychic" ability that many indigenous have, a natural thing that is not special or elite, it just is. Like some can sing so pretty and others can understand building stuff, I can do stuff too.

Not when I try though, that is the weird part, it is like I am not supposed to control it this life or something. Or maybe it scares people so I was never trained as I would have been if we were still living as a tribe.

But I do it so naturally that I am not sure which part everyone has and which parts are just my own. I think sometimes though, that this life is my imagination, that I am somewhere in a coma or something and these are my dreams, or my nightmare even. It is weird, I mean, can this life be real? With all the crazy and stupid going on, it must be a dream, right? But then, sometimes I know myself so well and know I am real and living this life and the other stuff is memories of a different time or person.

I sometimes think that since I see the future sometimes that I saw this all as a kid, before I understood much about life and that is why it feels so vague and uncertain. But I sometimes think I will slip into a coma but am not afraid of it happening because I have already seen it happen, if that makes sense. I know my daughters are not afraid when they see my spirit at my computer working away at all the stuff I thought but was afraid to put on paper in case it was stolen. Game ideas, novels, all of it! I sit here like a ghost and they do not mind and are glad I am here.

Sometimes I think I am a ghost right now, working away here and do not realize it so when I am at the hospital it comes flooding back to my unconscious since I do not want to believe it.

But then I think that is just my imagination trying to picture this story I am writing. I have thought of it often, when waiting long hours at the hospital. All the questions I have, like what is being in a coma like and things like that.