Marriage: A Journey of Adjustments, Compromises, and Acceptance

I am the eldest daughter in my entire family—both from my father’s side and my mother’s side. You can say I was the only child for almost 10 years. I was raised with a lot of love, care, and comfort, living a beautiful life, always encouraged to follow my dreams. I was everyone’s favorite, but because of society's fear and mindset, I was always kept protected and somewhat hidden from the world.

My life from childhood to growing up was wonderful. After completing my intermediate education, the challenge came when it was time to get into university. This is the stage where most parents become fearful—“not university,” they say—so I couldn’t go. But at least I completed my graduation through a college. I had a deep passion for studying, but my education fell victim to the decisions of elders, and I remained stuck where I was.

After intermediate, I started a job. Just like I loved studying, I always had a strong desire to teach. I worked with complete honesty and dedication. Alhamdulillah, my job journey was excellent—I learned a lot, earned great respect, and above all, I made a name for myself. Along with my job, I continued my education: first a B.Ed., then I started my Master’s.

I had only completed my first year of my Master’s when I got married. It was an arranged marriage. I accepted this new chapter with hope and belief that life would become easier, my dreams would come true, I would finish my studies, hold my degree in my hands, and begin a new journey

But just one week after marriage, I realized that this path was not what I had dreamed of. Whatever I had imagined fell apart. My husband was completely under the influence of his parents and siblings. All their responsibilities were placed on him—and in return, the entire household responsibilities were placed on my shoulders. I was the second daughter-in-law in a toxic joint family system.

When I expressed the wish to complete my Master’s after marriage, my in-laws clearly refused. They said, “What will you do with a degree after marriage? Is anyone dying of hunger?” That was the end of my dream.

My own parents also did not support me—they didn’t help with admission or exam fees. And just like that, my dreams collapsed.

Then Allah blessed me with a beautiful son. His arrival gave me new hope—a reason to dream again. I wanted to give him everything I could not get. But again, my dreams were crushed. My in-laws did not like educated women. They disliked girls who worked, studied, or spoke English. Slowly I realized that my father-in-law never liked me either because I worked and used to go to college. My thinking and the way I spoke did not match their mindset.

When I tried to speak to my child in English, the family mocked me. They made jokes, accused me of showing off, and said I spoke English to put them down. Another door closed… and I accepted this as my fate.

My husband’s mindset remained the same:

“My family’s responsibilities are yours. A woman’s duty is the house—kitchen, children, and taking care of everyone.

My parents never supported me in this either. They never raised their voice for me, nor allowed me to raise mine. They only said:

“This is your home now. You must stay with him. Who will support your child financially?”

Life continued like this, and 8 years passed. During this time, Allah blessed me with a daughter as well—now I had two children. I had become a typical housewife, and I buried all my dreams.

Then my parents passed away. I have two brothers, and during my father’s lifetime, he transferred the house to their names. I was deprived of my share. On the other side, my husband had a business, and his father’s property was taken over by his siblings. With all the earnings of their father, they bought a house in the father’s name, which now belongs to all the siblings—again, tied up in the same joint family.

Life continued like this, and 8 years passed. During this time, Allah blessed me with a daughter as well—now I had two children. I had become a typical housewife, and I buried all my dreams.

After 8 years, my husband realized the value of my education and helped me complete my Master’s degree. Now he also supports the idea of me getting a job. But after these 8 years, my mind has lost the habit of studying. On top of that, responsibilities have increased a lot — taking care of the kids, taking care of the home, and my husband being at home without work. My health is also not the same anymore. But life goes on; I accept it. I am trying my best. I have hope in Allah that success will come… InshaAllah.

But in this 8-year journey, one thing always hurt me — that in tough times, no one stood by us. Everyone left, making excuses, giving false hopes, and walked away. For whom I sacrificed everything with a smile — brothers, father, in-laws, everyone. Now the only support I have is Allah, then my husband and my children.

May Allah give me strength and keep my home safe. InshaAllah, success is written for us.”

“I want to tell all girls never to silence their own beautiful voice. If you are right, you don’t need anyone’s support — just trust yourself, pray to Allah, and move forward. The world will eventually recognize you.”