Late Night Musings...

One thing that really matters to me is my spiritual side, I have been called a "traditional girl" most of my life but never felt it in the way they meant it. My values are not subservient or any of that, but this was hidden deep inside where no one could try to take it away from me.

I believe I told about being able to talk to animals when I was a child, how nature was a living breathing thing to me. I still hear animals at times, still hear Nature at times, always feel it close. It is why I call myself shaman / sorceress. I believe I am meant to be my tribe's sorceress (which is nothing like a european witch). People fear the sorceress because they are like the police of sorts... They do not control the magic, it uses them sort of thing...it is why their magic is very powerful, it is not her you are dealing with but Nature.

The moon is always a part of my spirituality but I can not really describe why. I guess I just think it is cool and we have many stories involving the moon.

Wolves are always a part of it too. I think it is why when I needed to do a low budget movie to get funding for my films, my first thought was to do a werewolf one ;p

I am still planning it and hoping I get my house soon so I can put all my plans into action. I guess it wont be glamorous that my actors will have to pitch a tent in my back yard sort of thing :p but it will be awesome and new. Somehow I lost my ending but think I do not mind so much. I think it will be even better now! I am going to try to drag as much of my tribe to do it as I can. Or at least my own nieces and nephews and such :p

lol, that is also one reason I wrote the story I posted about Raven and Silk and how the moon shone two weekends in a row magically :p

I was reading an old post I had been searching for but couldn't remember what it was called. It talked of someone saying "oh you are new age" when hearing a bit about my spiritual beliefs. I responded "I am proudly prehistoric, Baby!" hehe, but it is true, there is not similarity to other cultures or very little as I do not know most other cultures except the ones forced upon me by europeans.

Proudly Prehistoric was going to be a blog I did :p I never did it under that name I use bride of sorrows instead. I hope to hear back from some interviews I did, I want a good paying job! I hate so much depends on getting funding but that is so hard.

One grant was offered that was nice and hefty but they "suggested strongly" that I write my local, state and federal governments and say how helpful they have been... I mean the unmitigated gall!! I am not for sale at any price...

People would never dream to ask a Jewish or Polish or Rom person to write the "knot sees" and tell them how great they are! They want to pretend we offered help but she refused to take it kind of bs that happens so often.

But people pretend it is not sooooooooooooo bad because they made it "palatable" to you...

I feel like I bend over backwards showing how horrible it truly is but ....

I try so hard to make everyone see us as the vibrant worthy people we are, but... Maybe soon I will hit just the right notes that will resonate to their very souls and they can not deny the call Home!! I titled my low budget werewolf movie "S'Happens" after my favorite line in the Predator series where the predator is about to explode and says "sh*t happens". I feel like that a lot... but I love it because I believe good happens too ;p

Whatever is going on in your life, here is me smiling encouragement at you! Trust I mean you well! My smile was so big because it was a picture I posted for my favorite guitarist in the world Slash for his bday back on instagram or was it twitter? cant remember now... it was impromptu, no makeup and didnt even brush my hair just heard he wanted pics for his bday so sat and took it... so this is me as natural as can be :p It is cut because I held a pic of him in front of me, but cut it so it is my face.