I was not raped, but they raped my mind,actions and behavior,but I was just a little girl.SeXual abuse is real. SEMA HAPANA.

If time is a great healer, then I pray it heals my heart. It pains me when I remember  my childhood and realised I was sexually abused,i never knew it was sexual abuse because the abusers gave presents, and favours thus making me feel it was something  right and normal

After my dads death, my mother was left alone to take care of us.Growing up in Nyalenda  slums in Kenya as a young girl was something  I cant say was better,but I thank God here I am today.

I was sexually  abused. To me sexual abuse is not all about the action of sex,but touching me sexually ,talking to me sexually and forcing me into touching you sexually with any part of my body, without  my consent  or permission  is sexual abuse. 

It happened  several  times without my mother knowing, how could I know it was a bad act and I was made to feel it was just okay by the abusers by giving me small gifts and favours, to make it more painful these people  are the last ones I expected could harm me. My mother trusted  them. 

Having tiny breast poping on my dress wasn't a guarantee  that I was a grown woman.Remembering how that pastor used to call me in his bedroom and touch them makes me sick. But back then that was the only way I could play in his compound and be given sweets and I think many of us who went there to play passed through that. I feel sorry for them but hope they also got a platform to express themselves. Don't trust people  with your children. 

Second  incident happened  again at a friends place our neighbor house, I thank God because I was almost raped  but it never  happened. The uncle to my friend undressed me, made me lie on the bed, touched my private parts then he made me believe  it was not bad to do so, further he promised to give me ice candies, but before he could rape me, the elder sister to my friend came knocking on the door. He had locked  it from the inside, he hurriedly dressed me and warned me not to say, if I did so he couldnt give me ice candies. Upon opening  the door I never said anything, how I wished I did but I was just a little  girl who was promised ice candies. #always ask your child what game did she or he played out of that she can tell you what happened. 

The third time it was at milimani estate in kisumu,kenya.that was at my classmates house.It was somewhere  I used to visit and some times slept there. Our parents were friends, we even used to go swimming together,so it happened  on that day that I went late and found Melany  had gone swimming, the dad was around.He welcomed me in gave me food and allowed me to play in the compound. After sometime he asked the house help to call me I was welcomed  in the living room then the TV was switched and I was watching cartoon. In my mind it was normal I was his kids friend and he knew my mother. After sometime the household let I think she went to the servants quarter when Melanie's dad came to the living room, undressed and made me suck his private part ,later on he gave me dolls, and mangoes.unluckily I left without seeing Melany and it was the last time I went there. One day I hope I will know where he vacated to and......., #Dont trust your children  with anyone 

The pastors daughter  also sexually abused me, but it was not for long.it was in the church camps where she made me suck her breast,touch them and even her vagina to make it painful she was menstrating.I no longer go to church callings to date. I even see her up to date and she seems to have forgotten  everything 

When I remember my childhood it makes me sick in the head. If I had the powers then today all these culprits  would be behind bars, but who can believe  my story without proof, it's only God I depend on to heal my heart. 

Later on in life I knew that it was normal for a man to touch you or have sex with you as long as he was giving you favours or gifts in return.what a pathetic life, but that is what I learnt when I was young. 

When I joined high school.The deputy teacher seduced me, he could always buy me bread during brakes and not Cain me. My mum had died back in 2007 my sister was struggling with life so most of the time I was not visited in school. I had no option  and I was benefiting.after the teacher realise I had other boyfriends besides him things turned around, no money for brake, I was cained without reasons,suspended without reasons I almost dropped out of school when he beat me up because I borrowed a calculator during mock exams in form three in2013. I tried speaking out but was dismissed  by the director claiming I never loved school and I was not performing well. Thus threatened  to throw me out of sponsorship  program. Anyway the teacher later died in a road crush but after I had finished the forth form. 

Later on I had boyfriends, if they  could  not give gifts and favours  in return I left, at times I feel sorry for my self. I messed up and am on a journey to shape my self, am peeling off my past just understand and hold my hands, and walk with me on this path to a better me. And again my son came in between and changed  part of my mindset, at least I depend only little income from selling /hawking dipers.

Morals from my story :-

-many young girls are sexually abused all over the world without their knowledge,try and talk to our girls they might be suffering  and they don't know.

-Growing breast isn't a sign of maturity. It's hormones. That girl is still young if she is under 10 but with breast piping. DONT TOUCH

- Don't trust people with your children, in todays world also boys get abused. Talk to them, ask them the tipes of games they play, with who and what. Buy them gift and toys so that they don't find it unusual when bought for by a stranger. 

-if your busy create time for your children. Don't just leave them with people or let them sleep at people's houses because you trust those people. 

-its not too early or too late to start talking to your child about sex and sexual abuse. 

sexual abuse still exists it doesn't matter if my pant went down or not. LETS STOP CHILDREN SEXUAL ABUSE.