Evenings filled with drizzle

Reflection on marriage for women vs women for marriage

I heard the voice

The channel can't be shut down.

We have to come to an understanding.

The voices grew louder.

The other voice refused, saying the channel couldn't continue. The advertising revenue wasn't enough to cover employee salaries. The programming was restricted, and... and...

Many reasons. Chaos reigned among us, the channel's employees. At the time, I was working in the news department of this channel in an Arab country. Before that, I had worked with an organization in Bali, Indonesia. My life has been a series of surprises, good work, and productive professional travel. I never thought about commitment or marriage, even though Eastern societies favor the idea of ​​marriage to have children who support one in old age and when needed. I was forced to return to Khartoum when the channel was shut down. It wasn't long before someone proposed to me. Another man. Another man. But my idea of ​​marriage is different. Women in our society depend on men for financial support, bearing the responsibility of raising and bearing children, and covering all their daily expenses until they give birth. And then the children I would have? I don't see the need to be with a man just to have him provide for me. I have no desire to have children who will later have to repay the debt of raising them. I can't impose my thoughts and opinions on a partner to force them to accept them. And I can't share my morning coffee on the balcony and browse the news with anyone. This is my work and my passion, the way I start my day. What would I offer this partner? What kind of life does he desire, and what kind of partner does he want? Does he want a beautiful appearance? A tidy house? Or a table laden with delicious food? How can I adapt my personality to appear like the Mona Lisa? Sometimes I only know how to smile, or I have to play the role of a mother to overlook his nonsense. Or should I be wise when his infidelity angers me? Will I ever find a perfect man? Perfection is only found in our Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, a divinely sent and supported prophet. Imperfection is the constant, and change is the inherent trait of humanity. A rosy life is nonsense, and difficulties pursue everyone. Yet, despite all that, I married for one reason: companionship and engaging conversation. I loved to tell everything, to play roles, to tell jokes, to play with words, letters, and rhymes. I adored laughter. Who would tolerate my ramblings and my poetry, which I let loose after a tiring day's work? I married to see my children's delightful and wondrous eyes and hear their voices filled with longing and yearning when I opened the door. I married to be able to perform roles that only married women in my society can fulfill: proposing marriage to brothers, consulting with the elders of the family, and speaking on behalf of the community in numerous gatherings. The essence of marriage lies in one thing: the meeting of similar souls—not twin flames, but vibrant and joyful souls with an undeniable chemistry of attraction. She feeds on forgiveness and contentment, and swims in seas of love with seagulls and pelicans on evenings filled with the gentle drizzle of rain.

Nadra