Why Do You Want Her to Suffer What You Survived?

There’s a question that has been sitting heavily on my heart, one we rarely dare to ask out loud:

If you, as a daughter-in-law, went through violence, humiliation, disrespect, or emotional torture… then why do you want another woman to suffer the same?

Why does your pain become someone else’s punishment? Why does your past become her present?

This right here is the very core of the orthodox mentality we must eliminate.

We talk so loudly about men, patriarchy, and society… yet sometimes the harshest enemy of a woman is another woman who chooses to repeat the cycle instead of breaking it.

You once cried behind closed doors. You once prayed for someone anyone to understand your pain. You once wished your mother-in-law would soften, would see you, would defend you.

So why do you now stand in the same place and choose silence… or worse, choose to become what broke you?

Is it revenge? Is it helplessness? Or is it simply the orthodox mindset whispering, “I suffered, so she will too.”

But tell me… Does her suffering heal your wounds, or does it just make you forget your humanity?

Generations before you carried this burden because they didn’t know better. But you do. You have seen the world change. You have seen women raise their voice. You have seen what pain does to families, to children, to hearts.

So look at yourself in the mirror… truly look. Ask yourself: “Am I repeating the same injustice I once begged Allah to save me from?”

Because the moment you choose empathy over ego, the moment you choose compassion over tradition, the moment you treat another woman with kindness instead of cruelty that is the moment you break a cycle that has been suffocating generations.

And that is exactly what eliminating the orthodox mentality means.

It starts with one woman who decides: “The pain ends with me.”

I request all women to help me spread awareness on this. This mindset needs to end especially in Asia. If you’ve suffered, don’t let another woman suffer the same. Stand up, speak up, and support each other. Because when women unite, change begins.