DEAR MAMA

Mama I needed you. To know you carried me, watch me grow & know my deep dark secrets. But in reality who needs haters & fake friends??? When all along I had you. You taught me how to not love myself, you didn't protect me you literally put me in the same situations/familiar faces of what broke you. you taught me that my feelings didn't matter & how to allow people to walk on me... Mama you taught me so much. How in the public eye you make it seem like you love me sooooo much but in secret you broke me down in every aspect. So I learned to silence my voice & how to live under a false character . How can you destroy me in secret Spiritually & mentally (all aspects but these the main) & then call me Crazy ? Mama I tried it all for you to love me. You took on my accomplishments & the things I learned on my own & you try to make it your own. You didn't teach me how to cook, I still don't know how to Iron at 24, & more things . You infantilize me ... you  did those things to cripple me so I would never learn how to walk on my own 2 feet. you were so good at saving & worked at many banks but never taught me financial stability . You didn't want me to know how to be a Woman when it was time. Why did you use to let me walk out the house damn near naked?? you knew predators were out there . U KNOW FIRST HAND . U WANTED TO DESTROY ME. You were in competition with me... Anyone who had ill intent with me you approved of. I was just crying earlier mama.. cause now after so many years of hiding & saying I'm all good without you. The truth coming out. I tried to leave you sooo many times... you come in my dreams & still taunt me... you speak ill words over my life. I have to heal now & I may returned back to you in the past. But from our last encounter you & I know that once I get completely out of this spiritual battle /stronghold you have me under I will blossom. 2 months down & forever to go I will be a fool to return just because of a damn title. I will be the Flower that Rose from a hard place. Damn mama I needed you!