Cracking the Blame Game & Healing from Betrayal

Someone has lied to you. Someone has deceived you. Someone has taken advantage of you, and you think, "Maybe I provoked it a bit. You question yourself: "Could it be that I helped create this behavior because I don't trust him or her? After all, it's been a while. Did I really give him/her a fair chance to change?"

Saving a relationship and repairing what is damaged or broken requires commitment, patience, and dedication. The burden of repair should never fall on the person who is hurt. Yet, we often feel obligated to contribute to the restoration. Why is that?

Firstly, pain is often the reason we want to forget and forgive as quickly as possible. We prefer to skip allowing pain and sorrow in.

Sometimes it's hope for better that causes us to lose sight of the truth.

And sometimes... it's the blame-shifter that manipulates us. This person will never take an active role in restoring your relationship.

Instead, they will distract you. They will play on your guilt, blaming you for provoking them so much. Shoving that pain you feel under the rug, because it wasn't that bad anyway.

They don't want to talk about what happened. They don't want to hear what it does to you. They don't want to make much effort because they think it's not a big deal.

The blame-shifter blames you and demands that you stop asking questions, making demands, exaggerating, provoking, inciting, and acting pitiful.

When someone consistently takes on this attitude, it's time to face the harsh truth: This relationship as it is right now, is beyond saving.

Blaming yourself for being too sensitive, too kind, or an easy target, is like kicking yourself after you've already been through the wringer.

When you learn to recognize behavior and patterns, there is room for more self-respect. You will protect yourself better and guard boundaries more easily because you have walked this path before and decided: no more. You learn that it's not your fault that someone chooses to take advantage of your heart. You learn to let go. Move on.

You stop putting all of your time and energy into saving something that can not be saved, and you let go of the "could have/should have/would have" feeling that held you captive because you see things clearly now.

Isn't that so much better than holding on, blaming yourself for all that went wrong?

(This story is a chapter from the book: the unaware self-gaslighter. Each week, I translate a chapter or two for you to read here on Worldpulse. I would love for you to follow along. Thank you for reading my book, chapter by chapter. I appreciate your support)