Because she was born a woman

When she was born, they sighed softly and said " another girl". They didn't mean harm but even as a baby ,her existence carried disappointment.

She grew up learning rules that weren't written:

Don't walk alone.

Don't argue .

Don't speak while men are speaking .

Don't stay out late. And all ended with "because you are a woman".

By the time she was a teenager,she had mastered the art of shrinking herself to fit societal expectations. Because every time she wanted to be her true self she was always cautioned;

Sit like a woman, they said.

Women don't laugh loudly

Women dress like this not like that. The warnings sounded like protection but as grew older ,she learned they were boundaries drawn around her life. Driven by fear, she followed the cloud

When she started her first job, her supervisor praised her talent -then began making advances towards her. When she declined dinner invitations, her performance reviews changed. Suddenly she was labeled difficult, not a team player. The manipulation was subtle, wrapped in opportunity.

When she met her husband -he promised love ,care and protection. The control was never loud at the beginning, it was soft, persistent and almost loving.

He said he didn't like her friends, his were better for the family.

He didn't like the way she dressed, he preferred she wore what he chose.

He didn't want her to work because it was a man's duty to take care of the family.

When she objected, he said she was disrespectful.

When she asked for explanation, she was reminded of how dramatic women are.

When she tried to leave in the middle of an argument, he blocked the way.

When he checked her phone, she told herself that transparency was healthy for a relationship.

When he criticized her body, she thought he wanted her to improve.

When he shouted, she reminded herself that she had always been told that all couples fight.

She ended up apologizing for things she didn't even understand.

The first time he hit her, she was shocked. He then apologized with all sorts of words he could say, and promised never to do it again. She wanted to believe him more than she wanted to believe her fear.

But after she sat quietly and thought through her life, she realized that abuse isn't only the bruises you can photograph :

It's also the way your confidence slowly disappears.

It's how you rehearse sentences in your head before speaking.

It's the way you stop laughing because it irritates him.

It's the way you can't account for your own finances because he is the head.

It's the way you are denied connections with friends except if he approves.

Abuse is when you ask permission for existing and it's also the way you become smaller and smaller inside your own life.

She realized that she no longer recognized herself:

She wondered how she comforted others, yet couldn't admit what was happening to her.

She spoke and people listened, yet she felt voiceless in her relationship.

She worked tirelessly,yet felt useless at home.

She also realized something that broke her heart - she had always protected his reputation at the expence of her own life.

She realized how easily she could disappear, it wasn't just pain but clarity.

Though still trapped, she now knows her worth and she is slowly working on her becoming .

Dear women:

Though healing isn't instant and we may sometimes doubt ourselves, giving up should never be an option we normalize .

Love doesn't require fear.

Respect doesn't demand silence.

And strength doesn't mean endurance.

Trust the discomfort - if something feels wrong, it probably is. Control disguised as care is still control, don't be confused.

To society;

Women can't end gender based violence alone.

We need to teach boys that masculinity isn't dominance.

We need to teach consent and emotional intelligence early.

Work places should take harassment seriously.

Communities should stop asking "what did she do" and ask "what makes him think that he has the power to"

We need men who hold other men accountable for their actions not the ones who support them based on gender.

Ending gender based violence isn't just about stopping fists, it's also about dismantling the beliefs that label women as property.

The same beliefs which teach women that endurance as virtue.

The ones that describe a woman's silence as respect and loyalty.

Women deserve lives where being born female isn't a risk factor.

And together with courage, support and relentless truth- we can build a world where no girl grows up learning to shrink.